Carbonisation brings us closer to God

or
Why Toast Tastes So Good

Without the light from the sun all life on earth would cease to exist. From this we can reasonably conclude that the sun is the source of all life.

Since God created all life we can further conclude that the sun is God, or at least an instrument of God. Many ancient civilizations such as the Egyptians, Aztecs and African tribes believed that the Sun was a God.

When things get burned they carbonise. This is what would happen if we moved closer to the sun i.e. closer to God. Fire, the artificial means of carbonisation created by man, replicates the effect of the sun, fooling the object into believing that it is moving closer to God.

This is why Toast Tastes So Good (yum!).

The bread is transformed from an ordinary food source into something that believes it is closer to heaven, which is reflected in its taste.

This is also why the ‘Body of Christ’ in Christian services is represented by a piece of toasted wafer.

Another example of carbonistion bringing us closer to God is the desire to obtain a tan which, like the toast, converts ordinary pale skin into something glowing and God like.

The book of common prayer based on text from Genesis 3:19 shows that in death, returning the body to dust through cremation can bring us back to God:

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother, and we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious unto him and give him peace. Amen.

Peter Gabriel is the second coming

by Ken Hayes

Peter Gabriel is a long established rock musician who’s music has reached people all over the world. We can reveal here for the first time that Peter Gabriel is in fact the Messiah, and that he has left us a number of clues over the years that help to reveal his true identity. Let us examine the evidence:
•Peter shares his name with St. Peter and the angel Gabriel.
•He was a member of the band Genesis, the first book of the bible.
•He often uses religious themes, for example, the song The Blood of Eden; the Passion soundtrack for The Last Temptation of Christ and his CD-Rom Eden.
•Sinead O’Connor who appears on the song The Blood of Eden went from being a wild child to becoming a priest after befriending him.
Does she know something we don’t?

The greatest evidence we have is in the lyrics of his song Solsbury Hill where he describes how he met with God and how he revealed him that he was his son.

Let us examine the lyrics of the song:

He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
[I] just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
‘Son’, he said ‘Grab your things,
I’ve come to take you home’.

He is describing how he was told by God who he really was and how he had to come to terms with his status.

Later in the song he sings:

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut

He is saying that he has decided not to tell anyone about what he has learned in case he’s branded a lunatic. He also thinks about what new possibilities there are for him because he has miraculous abilities. He contemplates how his life has suddenly changed.

In the last verse he sings about how people are oblivious to his true identity and that at some point in time he will reveal his true self:

When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Peter clearly feels he had this role thrust upon him against his will. In an interview with Musician magazine in June 1989 he stated:

Christianity is poured deep in my consciousness, whether I choose to or not.

To finish though, If you believe that Peter is the Messiah and that rock’n’roll will save your soul, take heed, because he also gave this warning in the 1972 Genesis song Apocalypse in 9/8:

666 is no longer alone,
He’s getting out the marrow in your back bone,
And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll,
Gonna blow right down inside your soul.
Pythagorus with the looking glass reflects the full moon,
In blood, he’s writing the lyrics of a brand new tune.

The truth is finally known!

Barney seems innocent and sweet but in fact he is Satan.

It’s all very simple:
1. Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR.
2. Change all U’s to V’s (which is proper Latin anyway):
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V
4. Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5. Add all the numbers: 666

Thus, Barney is Satan.

What is a madtheory anyway?

It is based on facts, events, people and places that exist or have existed. You, the inventive theorist, has subsequently drawn conclusions from the data available to formulate a theory, however absurd.

It can be about anything: historical events, unsolved mysterys, aliens, nature, religion, the origin of man, science, politics, murders, ghosts, the supernatural, conspiracys, the Titanic, the moon landing, corruption or Padraig Flynn, to name just a few.

•Did man actually step on the moon or was it all an elaborate hoax?

•Is Elvis really dead?

•Have we been visited by aliens?

•Is Sophie Ellis Bextor one of them???

Here, we gather evidence for some of the wildest theories out there: the bizarre to the hilarious; the strangely believable.

We present the evidence…
you decide if you believe it or not.